My Affair Partner Got Almost Caught… Now He’s Cutting Me Off
This story centers on a woman’s complicated feelings after her affair partner (AP) ended things, not because of her, but because his significant other (SO) grew suspicious of him. While the woman is understanding of his need to repair things with his SO, she can’t help but feel bitter after years of being patient with him. Did she go too far in her feelings, or is she justified in feeling hurt and frustrated by the way he handled everything?
Okay, I need some outside perspective because I’m feeling a bit conflicted about this whole situation. So here’s the deal: I’ve been having an affair with a guy for about a year now. We work together, but outside of work, our interactions have been limited—maybe just twice outside of work in all that time. I’ve been pretty patient with him. I know he has a family, and I didn’t push for anything more than what we had. I never demanded his attention, and I respected his boundaries—especially when he gave excuses like “It’s hard to talk when I’m home” or “I’m busy with family.”
However, recently, he ended things with me. He said that he couldn’t see me outside of work anymore, couldn’t text me, and needed to delete me from everything. Apparently, his significant other (SO) got suspicious because of how sneaky he’s been on his phone, and she even went through his messages. He was lucky that I had been smart enough to delete everything we had talked about (including all the flirty stuff), but it seems like other women were on his phone too. Now, she’s demanding access to his phone whenever she wants, and they’re trying to fix their relationship.
Now, here’s where I’m having a hard time. His issue wasn’t me. It was his poor OPSEC (operational security) with other women. I’m aware that his relationship with his SO is his priority, and that he’s doing what he needs to do to repair things. Fine, I get it. But it really bothers me because I remember all the times I tried to message him and wanted to talk, but he’d always have some excuse like “I’m home with family” or “It’s difficult to talk.” Yet, when it came to other women, he got caught—right in front of his SO.
To be honest, I’m not upset that he’s trying to save his relationship or repair things with his SO. What really irks me is that he ended things so easily with me, after all the time and energy I spent protecting his secret, making sure he didn’t get caught, and putting up with his excuses. I bent over backward to keep our relationship under wraps, but now he’s throwing everything away like it didn’t matter.
I get it—he’s got to do what’s best for his family, but it’s hard for me to have sympathy for him. I’ve been on the receiving end of his secrecy and his half-hearted excuses for so long, and now I feel like he just dropped me because of his own mess-ups. Am I being unreasonable? Am I the asshole for not caring that his relationship may be over, especially when I did everything I could to protect it? Or should I just suck it up and understand that his priorities need to shift now that things have gotten messy?
