Teen Rejects Living with Bio Parents Who Abandoned Him, Parents Take Legal Action

I (16) was raised by my grandparents because my bio parents weren’t capable of caring for me. After my grandparents passed, my bio parents tried to step in, but I just don’t have a connection with them or their kids. Now my uncle is moving out of state for work, and I’m planning to go with him instead of staying with my bio parents, even though they’re upset. They’ve been trying to have a relationship with me for years, but I just can’t bring myself to live with them. Am I the a**hole for choosing to leave?

This is a bit of a long story, but I’ll try to make it as clear as possible. I was born when my bio parents were just 19, and they weren’t in a position to care for me. My dad’s parents stepped in and raised me, and honestly, they were the ones who gave me love and support, not my bio parents. From what I’ve been told, my bio parents weren’t good at taking care of me at all, and I didn’t have a great relationship with them for a long time.

Growing up, I saw my bio parents at family events, but it was always awkward. They acted strange around me, almost like they didn’t know how to be parents to me. They would get upset when I didn’t call them “mom” and “dad,” but they didn’t seem to want to take on the responsibilities of being parents. They had their own lives, and I had my grandparents.

When I was 8, they had their first biological child together, and that’s when I started seeing them more often. But it wasn’t like they were suddenly more involved in my life. They didn’t change how they treated me, and they didn’t start being real parents. They spoiled their kids and let them get away with anything. My bio mom would buy her kids treats just to keep them away from her or to get them to act out in public. It was frustrating to see.

When I was 12, my grandma passed away, and my grandpa had to go into a care facility. That’s when my bio parents asked me to move in with them. But my uncle (my dad’s brother) offered to take me in, and I ended up staying with him instead. It became a legal battle, but after a court interview, I made it clear that I wanted to live with my uncle, and they respected my decision. That was a huge relief for me.

After that, my bio parents tried to get me to bond with their kids, but it just felt forced. They were more focused on trying to show me that they were good parents, but I didn’t see it. Their kids were spoiled and misbehaved, and their parenting style didn’t seem to help them at all.

The Move Out of State

Now, my uncle is moving out of state for work, and he’s asked me to go with him. I’m excited about the idea because it feels like a fresh start, and I don’t want to live with my bio parents. But they are freaking out about it. They’ve been trying for years to have a relationship with me, but I just don’t feel close to them, and I don’t feel like I can live with them.

They have four kids now, and I don’t get along with any of them. They’re spoiled, rude, and never get punished for their behavior. It’s hard for me to want to be a part of that kind of environment. I’ve told my bio parents that it’s not about hating them but that I just don’t know them very well. I don’t feel the connection they want me to have, and I don’t want to live in a household where I feel uncomfortable.

I told them that I’m not trying to hurt them, but they’ve been trying to force this relationship that doesn’t feel natural to me. I told them I don’t hate them, but I hate the situation. I’ve never felt close to them, and I’ve been disappointed by how they’ve treated me in the past. But they don’t see it that way. They say I’m hurting their feelings and acting like I hate them. They keep saying that it’s not just about them but also about their kids, and I should try to bond with them.

The Argument

I tried to explain myself as calmly as possible. I told them that I didn’t choose to live with my uncle out of spite, but because I felt safe with him and felt like he was the one who really cared for me. I didn’t want to live with my bio parents when they never really acted like parents to me, and now they’re trying to get custody back just so I can live with them again. I don’t want to live in a house full of chaos with spoiled kids and parents who don’t know how to set boundaries.

But my bio parents keep insisting that I’m acting like I hate them, and that I should try harder to have a relationship with them. They say I’m ruining my future by moving halfway through high school. But I feel like I’m not ruining anything; I’m just trying to get away from a toxic situation.

The Impact on My Family

Since I made my decision to go with my uncle, the family has been split. Some of my relatives understand why I want to go with him, but others think I’m making a mistake. They tell me that I should be grateful for my bio parents trying to reconnect with me, but I don’t feel that way. They keep telling me I’m making things worse and acting selfishly, but I just don’t see how I’m the one in the wrong here.

It’s hard to feel guilty when I know that my bio parents didn’t put in the effort to be good parents when I needed them. They weren’t there for me when I was younger, and now they’re expecting me to just fall in line with their family, even though I’ve never felt a real connection with them. I can’t force myself to want a relationship that doesn’t feel natural to me.

Netizens encouraged the author to move with the uncle, let go of guilt, and prioritize their own well-being

So, AITA for preferring to move with my uncle rather than live with my bio parents and their kids? I know it’s causing a lot of tension, but I don’t think I should be expected to live in a situation that doesn’t make me feel comfortable. I’ve tried to explain my side, but they’re just not getting it. Should I try harder to bond with them, or am I right in choosing to move away and start fresh with my uncle? Would love to hear what others think.