Parents Favor Son, Offering $30k for Home, But Refuse to Help Daughter in the Same Way

I (26f) am struggling with whether I’m in the wrong for asking my parents for $30,000 to help me buy a house, similar to the gift they gave my older brother (30m). I’ve always been the responsible one, staying home to help my parents and managing things while my brother did whatever he wanted. Despite my contributions and stable finances, they rejected my request, offering me just $3,000, citing my brother’s need for a home to get married. This has caused major family tension, and now I’m questioning if I’m being greedy or if I’m justified in wanting the same financial support my brother received.

Let me give you some context about my family dynamics. I’m the youngest of two siblings, and I’ve always felt like the second choice. My older brother (let’s call him “D”) is the golden boy of the family. Despite his low-paying, unstable job and poor financial decisions (he spent his money partying, traveling, and doing nothing to build a future), he’s been treated like the favorite. In our culture, it’s seen as essential for a man to own a home to get married, and my parents have always considered it their duty to help him achieve that.

When D was 30, my parents gave him $30,000 to help him buy a house. At the time, I didn’t mind because I understood the cultural importance of it, and frankly, it was their money to spend as they wished. But there’s more to this story that has left me feeling hurt and frustrated.

While I’ve always stayed home and been responsible, my brother moved out at 18 and rarely bothered to visit or help with anything. He didn’t even pitch in to help my parents when they needed assistance—something I did constantly. I’ve been the one helping my parents translate documents, driving them places, and taking care of various tasks that they couldn’t manage on their own. Even when my brother was a teenager, he was never around, and I was the one who had to pick up the slack. Yet, despite all of this, he remained the family favorite.

My Request for a Down Payment

This year, I was looking to buy my own home. I had some decent savings, a stable and well-paying job, and I was ready to take the leap. Rent in my city was sky-high, and I figured that buying a house, especially one where I could rent out extra rooms, would make more sense for my future. My brother, despite owning a home, is still single and hasn’t made much progress with his life, and I thought owning a home could be a good financial step for me as well.

I started looking at homes, and after seeing several, I found one I loved. The only issue was the down payment. Even with my savings, I still needed an additional $28,000 to make the down payment work. That’s when I decided to ask my parents for help.

After all, they had given D $30,000 for his house, and I felt like it was only fair to ask for the same amount. I had helped them for years—more than my brother ever had—and I figured that if they could give D that much, they should be willing to help me too. I thought it would be a simple request, but boy was I wrong.

The Response: Rejection and Favoritism

When I asked my parents for $28,000 to cover the down payment, they immediately rejected me. They said that while they supported my goal of buying a house, they couldn’t justify giving me that much money. Instead, they offered me only $3,000. When I brought up that they had given D the same amount without hesitation, they responded by saying that he needed the house to get married, whereas I could just continue living with them for a few hundred dollars a month.

I was furious. I couldn’t believe they were using this argument to justify their favoritism. They were implying that because I’m single and living at home, I don’t need the same financial support that my brother—who still can’t manage his own life—received. It felt like all the help and care I’d given over the years meant nothing.

I lost my patience and told them that if they continued to favor D over me, I would go no-contact. I was done with the unequal treatment, and I was tired of feeling like my efforts didn’t matter. I ranted to my cousin at a family gathering, venting about how unfair it all was. Unfortunately, my cousin turned out to be a loud-mouth and shared my frustrations with the rest of the family.

Family’s Reaction and My Conflict

Since then, my extended family has been divided. Some family members have sided with me, recognizing how unfair it is that I was treated so differently. But many others, including my aunt and uncles, have criticized me for being “greedy” and “selfish.” They think I’m in the wrong for asking for such a large sum of money from my parents.

This has left me in a very conflicted place. On one hand, I feel like I’ve done everything right. I’ve been responsible, financially stable, and have always helped my parents. I genuinely thought that, given my history and the money they had given to D, it was reasonable to ask for similar support. On the other hand, the family pressure and guilt are making me question if I’m just being entitled or selfish. Am I asking for too much? Should I have accepted the $3,000 and moved on?

People sided with the poster and advised her to move out of their house since they didn’t seem to be on her side

Here’s the thing: I know what I asked for wasn’t a small amount of money. But the way my parents treated me versus D feels like a slap in the face. I’ve worked hard, stayed responsible, and have always been there for my family. All I wanted was a fair shot, not to be treated like I’m any less deserving than my brother.

So, AITA for asking my parents for $30,000 for a house down payment? I just feel like I’ve been overlooked and undervalued for too long, and I’m at my breaking point. I’m starting to wonder if I’m being unreasonable in wanting the same financial support my brother received or if I should’ve just let it go. Would love to hear what others think.