Woman Bans Her Parents From Seeing Her Baby Over a 15-Year-Old Incident
I was a good kid. Good grades, no trouble, respectful, helped around the house. Everything blew up when I was 20 and dating someone slightly older than me. My dad didn’t approve, gave me an ultimatum, and kicked me out when I didn’t obey. My mom backed him. I rebuilt my life without them, finished school another way, and now I have a child of my own. Years later, my parents want to reconnect and meet my baby — but I said no. My little brother thinks I’m being petty and holding onto the past. I don’t hate him, but I do resent my parents deeply. So… AITA?
This is one of those situations where people love to say, “That was so long ago, why are you still upset?” But time passing doesn’t automatically heal emotional damage. And having a baby doesn’t magically erase trauma either. What you’re dealing with is family estrangement, parental control, emotional abandonment, and now boundary‑setting as a parent — all heavy stuff.
Let’s break this down in a real way, without sugarcoating it.
This Wasn’t “Strict Parenting” — It Was Control
There’s a huge difference between being strict and being controlling. Strict parents set rules but still support their kids. Controlling parents demand obedience and punish autonomy.
You were 20. An adult. In school. Dating someone who was 23 — not 40, not abusive, not unemployed, not dangerous. Your dad didn’t just disapprove. He weaponized housing to force compliance.
That’s not protection. That’s control.
And when he kicked you out, your mom had a choice. She could’ve intervened, defended you, or at least checked on you after. She didn’t. Silence and inaction are still decisions. That’s something people minimize way too often in toxic family relationships.
Being Kicked Out Is a Trauma, Not a “Lesson”
A lot of people downplay this because “you landed on your feet.” But landing on your feet doesn’t mean the fall didn’t hurt.
Being kicked out by your parents — especially when you’ve never been a “problem child” — creates deep emotional wounds:
- Abandonment
- Loss of safety
- Trust issues
- Hyper‑independence
- Resentment
You didn’t choose distance. It was forced on you. That’s textbook emotional trauma from parents.
And here’s the part people ignore: your parents never repaired that rupture. They didn’t apologize. They didn’t take accountability. They didn’t come to you with humility. They just waited… and now want access to your child.
Your Brother’s Perspective Makes Sense — But It’s Incomplete
Your little brother was 14 when this happened. He was still a minor. He didn’t get kicked out. He didn’t lose his home. His experience with your parents is fundamentally different.
So when he says:
“They were just trying to protect you.”
He’s speaking from his version of them, not yours.
This is common in family systems. One child gets support, another gets punished. Later, the supported child can’t fully grasp the harm because they never lived it. That doesn’t make him evil — just limited in perspective.
But where he crosses a line is when he tries to guilt you by saying you’re “withholding their grandchild.”
That’s emotional pressure. And it ignores one important truth:
Grandparent access is a privilege, not a right.
You’re Not Withholding — You’re Protecting
People love framing this as punishment:
“You’re keeping the baby from them.”
But from your point of view, this isn’t revenge. It’s protection.
You’re asking yourself:
- Can I trust these people with my child?
- Have they shown growth?
- Have they acknowledged the harm they caused?
- Would they respect my boundaries as a parent?
So far, the answer seems to be no.
This falls under protecting your child emotionally. You’re not obligated to expose your child to people who have proven they can discard their own kid when she doesn’t comply.
Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Reconnection
This is where people get it wrong.
You can forgive someone internally and still choose distance.
You can move on emotionally and still maintain boundaries.
You can heal without reopening the relationship.
Forgiveness is personal. Reconnection is relational.
Your parents skipped steps. They didn’t:
- Apologize properly
- Take responsibility
- Ask what you need
- Accept that you might say no
Instead, they sent your brother as a messenger. That’s avoidance. That’s not accountability. That’s hoping guilt will do the work for them.
In family estrangement and reconciliation, reconciliation only works when both sides are honest and willing to sit in discomfort.
“It Was Years Ago” Is a Weak Argument
Time doesn’t erase harm. Effort does.
If someone breaks your leg and never apologizes, you don’t owe them access to your life just because years passed. Emotional injuries work the same way.
Your resentment didn’t come from nowhere. It came from:
- Being disowned
- Losing parental support
- Being forced to rebuild alone
- Never receiving closure
You didn’t “drag this out.” It was never resolved.
Drawing the Line With Your Brother
You said something harsh in the moment — telling your brother he could stay out of your life too. That came from pain, not hate.
It might be worth clarifying later:
- You love him
- You want a relationship with him
- But you won’t debate your boundaries with your parents
That’s setting boundaries with parents and siblings.
You’re allowed to say:
“I won’t discuss mom and dad anymore. That topic is closed.”
That’s not cruel. That’s self‑preservation.
So… Is This Petty?
No. Petty is refusing contact over a forgotten birthday or a small argument.
This was abandonment. Control. Emotional harm. And zero repair.
You didn’t cut them off to punish them.
You built a life without them because you had to.
Now they want back in — on their terms.
That’s not how healing works.
Many readers supported the author’s decision
NTA — Not the Asshole.
You’re not wrong for holding boundaries.
You’re not wrong for protecting your child.
You’re not wrong for refusing access to people who never made things right.
Your parents made a choice years ago. You’re allowed to live with the consequences of that choice — on your terms.
If reconciliation ever happens, it should start with accountability, not entitlement.
And until then, your child doesn’t exist to heal their regrets.
