Entitled Uncle Expects Niece To Be His Retirement Plan, Calls Her Cruel When She Laughs Him Off

When my uncle (70s) asked to move in with my mom and me to avoid paying rent, I laughed it off, thinking it was an outrageous request. My mom is in her 60s, living rent-free in a house I own, and I financially support her due to her health problems. But my uncle’s request made me pause and wonder if I overreacted. I politely said no and apologized for laughing, but now family members are saying I should have handled it better. Am I the a**hole for laughing at this request, or was my reaction justified?

So here’s how it all started. My mom, who’s in her 60s, lives alone in a two-bedroom house I own. She doesn’t pay rent, and I support her financially because she has health problems that have left her with a small retirement income. I live far away from her, visiting twice a year, and my bedroom is mostly empty. While my mom has always been in charge of what happens in her home, I help her out because I’m in a position to do so.

Out of nowhere, my uncle (who’s in his 70s) sends my mom a text message. He says, “Hi, me and my wife want to move houses to get rid of paying rent. Can’t we just stay with you?” No asking, no pretense, just an assumption that my mom would be okay with it. I’m sure my mom had a panic attack because she called me, asking for help. My mom doesn’t want to be the bad guy, so she’s stressing over how to say no to her brother.

I was pretty shocked, so I decided to contact my uncle myself. Now, I try to be understanding, but it became clear pretty fast that he was just expecting me to say yes. He said things like, “I need my family’s support.” I was genuinely confused because I’ve never known him to be in this kind of situation before. He’s always been financially irresponsible, so I thought maybe he had accumulated debt or was dealing with a financial scam.

When I questioned him about whether there were other factors, like a financial problem or a scam, he dismissed it. Instead, he just kept repeating that he needed to “cut costs” and figured that moving in with my mom would solve his problem. That’s when my patience wore thin, and I laughed.

It wasn’t a rude laugh, but honestly, it was a knee-jerk reaction to what seemed like such an outrageous and entitled request. I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I definitely didn’t expect him to turn around and accuse me of being cruel. He hung up, and then sent me a text saying I was “a cruel person” because his son (my cousin) had passed away young and wasn’t there to help him.

Let me clarify a few things here: My cousin (his son) passed away in his 20s and had been estranged from my uncle for years. My uncle wasn’t exactly father-of-the-year, and he abandoned his first wife and son long ago. Now, decades later, he’s married to his second wife, who has kids from her previous marriage. His request to move in wasn’t a “let me come visit for a bit” thing – it was a full-on, “We need to live here” kind of deal.

Setting Boundaries

I couldn’t just ignore it, so I responded with a message apologizing for laughing but explaining my position. I told him that while my cousin’s death was tragic, I wasn’t responsible for his financial troubles. I also reminded him that my mom has her own life and is already being supported by me. I made it clear that I wasn’t rich – I help my mom because I can, but at a great personal cost. Adding two more people to the mix simply wasn’t feasible for me, nor should I be expected to do so.

Instead, I suggested he reach out to his stepchildren for help. They have a much closer relationship with him and could be in a better position to assist.

But this didn’t go over well. He came back saying I was still cruel, and then the family started calling me. His siblings (my mom’s five brothers and sisters) contacted me to say that while they understood why I said no, they felt I should have “handled it better.”

My Reaction and Questioning Myself

Now, I’m left wondering, did I overreact? Did I come across as too harsh? Or was my response justified?

I stand by what I said to my uncle. It’s not my responsibility to take care of him and his wife, especially when I’m already supporting my mom. But part of me wonders if there was a better way to handle the situation. My family seems to think I could have been more compassionate, but it’s hard to feel bad when his request felt so unreasonable.

I don’t think I should have to open my home to someone who hasn’t been supportive of his own family for years. I have my own obligations and responsibilities. That’s not being cruel; it’s being realistic.

In the comments, readers empathized with the woman but agreed she should put her mom first and be the villain of the family if she had to

So, AITA? Should I have been more understanding? Or was my laugh and my firm “no” the right call in this situation? It’s a tricky spot to be in, especially when family starts calling and trying to make you feel guilty for standing your ground. But in the end, I think I made the right choice for myself and my mom. Family shouldn’t expect you to take on their burdens, especially when they’ve never been there for you. Would love to hear your thoughts on this one!