AITAH for Asking My Wealthy In-Laws to Compensate Me for Giving Up My Career?
So here’s the deal… OP (27F) is killing it in her career, making over $170,000 a year. She’s engaged to Tim, a teacher who doesn’t earn much, but his family is loaded—like old money, massive trust fund, generational wealth type of loaded.
Now here’s the shocker. During a chat with Tim and his parents, they straight-up suggested she quit her high-paying job after marriage and become a stay-at-home mom. Their reason? They think it’s “emasculating” for her to out-earn him. Yeah, wild.
OP didn’t just brush it off. She said fine, if they expect her to give up her career and long-term earning potential, then she wants real financial security. Basically, a separate trust fund equal to what she would’ve made over the next 35 years. Honestly, that sounds like smart wealth management to me. But Tim’s family? Outraged.
She even tried a compromise. Offered to sign a prenup agreement where, if she leaves her career, she gets half of Tim’s trust fund in case of divorce. Again, they shot it down.
Now OP’s stuck wondering—was she wrong for putting it in financial terms? Or was she actually being smart about divorce protection, inheritance planning, and not risking everything for love without a safety net?
Some people born into “old money” will never understand the meaning of hard work
One woman’s wealthy in-laws want her to quit her job so that she doesn’t earn more than their trust-fund son
This whole story hits way deeper than just family drama. It’s not about “being polite” at dinner—it’s about money, gender roles, and straight-up power when you marry into old money wealth. What OP is facing is basically financial vulnerability dressed up as “tradition.”
🏛️ Stay-at-Home Spouse = Huge Financial Risk
Quitting a career for kids isn’t just a lifestyle choice. It’s a major financial planning decision with long-term consequences. According to the Center for American Progress, the average woman who steps out of the workforce for caregiving loses nearly $467,000 in lifetime earnings—and that doesn’t even include retirement savings or lost promotions.
For OP? Way higher. She’s pulling $170K a year. With even small annual raises, over 35 years she’s giving up more than $10 million in lifetime income. That’s not just pocket change—that’s financial freedom, early retirement, and generational wealth gone.
Historically, rich families knew this. That’s why they used things like dowries, postnups, and trust funds to protect spouses giving up independence. In modern terms, that’s why we have prenup agreements, alimony settlements, and estate planning. OP’s request isn’t outrageous—it’s exactly how wealthy families used to handle this.
💰 Why Tim’s Family Freaked Out
Their outrage isn’t about the dollar amount. It’s about control.
- Financial Autonomy: OP asking for her own trust fund or prenup compensation means she keeps independence. That’s threatening in a family where “inclusion” often comes with strings attached.
- Gender Norms: They literally said it’s “emasculating” for her to out-earn Tim. Classic breadwinner vs. stay-at-home wife mindset. But OP doesn’t fit into that box.
- Power Dynamics: They want her to give up her income but don’t want to give her security in return. That’s compliance without commitment.
Basically, they want the old-school family setup but without the traditional financial safeguards that usually came with it.
📜 The Prenup Solution
OP’s compromise—prenup agreement that gives her part of Tim’s trust if she quits her career—isn’t greedy, it’s logical. Prenups are literally made for this. They protect both partners, especially when one sacrifices career growth, earning power, and retirement security.
Family law experts even say prenups aren’t about mistrust—they’re about clarity, fairness, and future-proofing your marriage. Courts often honor these when done fairly. If Tim’s family actually respects her, they’d see this as smart financial planning, not a threat.
🧠 Is OP Too “Blunt” About Money?
OP’s mom thought her proposal sounded rude because she put it in raw numbers. But money is power. Pretending it’s not doesn’t make the risk disappear.
Wealthy families love to talk about “tradition” or “values” instead of using real numbers—but that just keeps power on their side. OP being direct is uncomfortable for them, not wrong.
Still, tone matters. A softer framing could help, like:
“I love being part of this family, and I want this marriage to work. But if I leave my career, I want to feel secure too. This isn’t about mistrust—it’s about fairness and protecting both of us for the future.”
That way, she’s speaking in values and respect—not just dollars. But let’s be real, the numbers don’t lie.
